When I first married my wife, I thought marriage would be pretty simple. (I know…I know…I’m a dummy!) In many ways, it was and still is. My wife is very easy going, easy on the eyes, and easy to get along with. So this should be pretty easy, I thought. I mean, what could go wrong?
Well, me. I was what went wrong!
I had no idea how hard marriage could be or how selfish I really was. I was used to life my way. I wanted shoes put away my way. I wanted the tv on – but I wanted it on my way. I expected married life to be an easy thing – and it was – as long as it went my way.
What an idiot!
Fortunately for me, my wife is also an easy forgiver. She doesn’t hold grudges and moves on quickly. I am very grateful for that. Over time, we have learned more and more about each other and how to serve each other better. We have been married now for almost 13 years and so far, life has been good. To make sure that it keeps getting better I wanted to look at some ways that show her how special she is to me.
Here are 4 things that I think she needs the most.
- My attention. I am a fairly driven and motivated person when it comes to my work. We work together from home but because of family responsibilities with homeschooling (which she does most of) and managing the house, it’s not always a lot of focused time together. That being said, I know that it is important to her for me to make time to connect with her and give her my full attention. A lot of times, this is simply just a matter of letting her know that I see what’s she is doing and join her in it or asking how I can help. Otherwise, it is easy to live and be in the same house and still completely miss one another. When I show her that I’m paying attention it shows her that I see all that she’s doing and that I care enough to join her in it.
- My help. In light of my paying more attention, the logical next step is to actually get involved and help her out. Having four girls and trying to do all the things she does for our family keeps her more than busy: grocery list and grocery shopping (she hates doing these every week!), laundry, homeschooling, serving at church, spending time with her family, taking care of me (that’s a full-time job by itself!), etc. She handles it gracefully for the most part, but doing it as a team can really help to lighten the load. Just being willing to help where I can and offer my services can make all the difference in the world to her.
- My gratitude. #1 and #2 are simple ways of saying thanks. But for my wife, it is more than just saying the words. Whenever I pay attention and acknowledge what she does for us, then offer to help where I can, this all shows her that I am grateful. She is not the kind of person that needs the flowers, cards, and candies. For my wife, cleaning up the dishes or putting on a fire shows the same thing to her. It shows that I care about her and her contributions to making our home the best that it can be and are simple ways that I can say thank you with my life. This, I believe, is what she probably wants more than anything else. Well, maybe except for #4.
- My backrubs. Nothing spiritual to note here. The girl just loves her back rubs!
I am far from perfect and (to be very honest) I’m not even sure that these are the 4 things most important to her. But I’m trying. I really do care and I want to get it right. I know that this, ultimately, is what matters most to her and that, in the end, is what makes us a great team. I’m confident, then, that the next 13 years (if we’re lucky enough to share that many more years together) will be better than last.
What are the things that matter most to your spouse? I’d love to hear! Please comment below.
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